Imagine for a moment that you are standing by the bar in the club. You are about to open a girl, but just before you approach her another guy goes up to her. He is the stereotypical nice guy and he offers to buy her a drink.
Is he a value taker or a value giver. He bought her a drink after all, he must be a giver. WRONG. He tries to suck as much value as possible. The drink is nothing more than a gimmick. It creates a social obligation and makes the girl feel like she has to do something in return. Women fucking hate that and it kills the interaction.
Often if the woman is smart, she will take the drink and disappear. Or she might talk first for a few minutes, just out of politeness. The said guy will often get pissed after that, he will become negative and might even start talking shit. “Fucking drinkwhore”. He still thinks he is the value-giving and unfairly treated, nice guy.
But apparently that’s not the truth, and unfortunately a tremendous amount of guys will keep having the same attitude even after learning about pickup. They might stop buying drinks for women, but their personality is still deeply faulted and these behaviors come to the surface through their game.
On which category do you belong? Are you a taker or a giver? Let’s find out:
His Game
Taker: The taker’s game is based on manipulation. If he is not naturally skilled on that, he learns all kinds of routines and techniques. Lot’s of canned content. He has no authenticity and he is afraid to just project his own personality out here, because deep down he knows he is not enough. He is very narcissistic and arrogant and often impatient. He looks for the fastest way to pull and his focus is only on getting the lay. He has a scarcity mindset not only when it comes to women, but pretty much about everything.
Giver: The giver’s game is based on creating the fun and sharing it with others. He tries his best to enjoy the moment and he is not afraid to give the girl a taste of his real personality even if he fails. He tries to be authentic and he tries to be real. If shit happens, he does his best to remain optimistic. He is relaxed and humble. He doesn’t blame the girl for being a “bitch” if his interaction goes bad and he tries to see every experience as a valuable lesson. He lives in abundance and is not afraid to go the extra mile.
Why he learns pickup
Taker: He does pickup to gain validation, feed his ego and boost this way his low self-esteem. He cares a lot about his laycount and tends to compare it a lot with his wings’ laycounts. His satisfaction comes by getting the +1. He sees the process as a chore and he only gets happy when he pulls. In case he doesn’t, he becomes all negative. Takers tend to be very outcome dependent.
Giver: He does pickup as a way of expressing and developing himself. He wants to share the fun he is having with the world. He games because he loves the challenges and little adventures of pickup. He gets satisfaction by overcoming the obstacles, even if he doesn’t necessarily get laid. He enjoys the process and focuses more on quality of the women he gets than his laycount.
Wingmanship
Taker: His wingman is just another tool in his toolbox. He only sees him as a way to get girls easier. As a wing the taker is very selfish. He will often use his wing or even steal his girl. He often tries to compete with his wing or show off. He will get jealous if his wing is better and will even try to drag him down to his level. If his wing is less skilled he will often rub it in his face and will make no real attempt to help him develop in fear his wing might get better. He says “I” a lot. He will try to take credit for his wing’s successful actions. The taker will give negatively charged judgement, disguised as criticism, often ending up messing his wingman’s confidence.
Giver: His wingman is his friend. They are into this together and if the giver’s wing is not happy, he is not either. He tries to support his wing and collaborate to get the best results and the most fun as a team. If his wing is better he is happy about him and gets inspired to hustle. If his wing is less skilled than him, he will stick with him and try to help him on his way up, while also learning more about himself from the process of teaching. He says “We”. He will give credit to his wing and congratulate upon success. The giver will provide his wing with well-intended constructive criticism and motivation.
His attitude towards women
Taker: He sees women as sex objects and uses them for validation. Often holds misogynistic behaviors or uses degrading language about women. He slut shames women. Will often lie to them in order to get them in bed. He doesn’t care to get to know them in a deeper level. He doesn’t try to build any comfort and if he does it’s only on a superficial level. A good example of such a behavior is kicking the girl out of the apartment after having sex with her. This will cause her to feel used and she will get buyer’s remorse. He selfishly cares only about his own pleasure and doesn’t try to do something in return.
Giver: He sees women as equal and respects them. He doesn’t judge and enjoys the company of open minded women. He has an honest approach in his interactions and genuinely wants to know more about the women he attracts. He appreciates women and tries to show his appreciation in a pro-active way. A good example of this is doing a little extra effort to make her orgasm even after he has already finished.
The women he gets
Taker: He will mostly get low-self esteem and insecure women, often girls with daddy issues and in general women of low consciousness. Mostly superficial women and women with low confidence are attracted to him. He will usually go after the “easy prey”. That means he will go after low quality or even wasted girls.
Giver: He gets confident, high self-esteem and high quality women. Often women with good careers and with high consciousness. He often enjoys gaming the more challenging and harder women, even if that means high risk of not getting laid.
(Remember after all, you attract what you are)
A taker’s relationships are doomed to be full of trouble
His view on the world and people
Taker: The taker sees the world as a hostile place. For him it’s a dog-eat-dog world and the only way to success is through using people. He will often do anything possible to satisfy his desires even if that means hurting others or lying. He is very suspicious of everyone. He inspires fear. He is very selfish and tries to control and dominate others in order to achieve his goals. He has a high and unhealthy sense of entitlement and thinks that the world owes to him.
Giver: The giver is very optimistic. He always tries to see the bright side of life. He is empathetic and seeks to understand. He respects and forgives others. He believes that the way towards success is through cooperation and mutual understanding. He is striving for the well-being of the people around him. He doesn’t demand respect, he earns it. He shares his vision and instead of trying to control, he inspires others to achieve those shared goals. He appreciates other people’s efforts and favors and tries to offer value back to actively show his appreciation.
Friendships
Taker: He rarely has any real friends and most of the time he ends up alone. He often leeches and takes advantage of his friends’ kindness. He never tries to offer value back. He perceives criticism from his friends as judgement and becomes defensive and negative.His friends eventually abandon him, since they can’t cope with his toxic behaviors.
Giver: He has deep, honest and long-lasting friendships. He doesn’t hesitate to do sacrifices or spend time and resources helping his friends out. He doesn’t expect something in return. He welcomes all kinds of criticism with an open mind and strives to improve. His friends appreciate him for his good traits and are there to support him.
Takers and givers usually partner up in life, but that leads in unhealthy relationships, since one is taking always advantage of the other. Most of you will think that the best is to adopt the role of a giver. And you are right (almost). Enrich the lives of the people around you and the world will repay you for it. Not because of Karma, but because of the nature of human beings.
Of course the world isn’t black and white. There are no absolutes and the taker-giver is not a binary state you can be in, but rather a spectrum. People can be inclined towards one or the other role, while still having traits from the opposite one.
Wait there is a surprise!
But what if I told you there is one more role you can adopt that is even more powerful than the Giver? It’s called the INVESTOR. The investor is very similar to the giver, but he makes sure that he doesn’t give unconditionally and that he doesn’t let others take advantage of him.
The investor focuses on contributing to the relationship rather than giving to the person. The good thing with the Investor is that if he pairs up with a Taker, his defense mechanisms will either force the Taker to adopt investor traits, or he will cut the ties to protect himself from negative influence. The investor knows when a wing, friend or girlfriend is becoming too abusive and is not afraid to stop his relationship with them.
When 2 people become investors in a relationship the relationship will flourish and both of them will become receivers of the benefits, both short-term and long-term. This creates balance and harmony in your relationships with people.
When giving is not motivated by agendas and your ego, then it leads to a good life. Be an investor and make sure you have the right people in your life. Bring in the right people and invest together in building a healthy relationship and then you can achieve your goals in a cooperative manner. Bring in the wrong people who only seek to take from you, and all your focus will fall on them and their problems. Neither of you will develop.
Steps to help you become a Giver-Investor
- Take some time to reflect on yourself and your actions. How are your relationships with your friends, family, girlfriend, wings? What are they contributing in your life and what are you contributing into theirs. Write that stuff down and think about it. Is it fair?
- Ask the people around you to do you a small favor and describe you as honestly as possible. Try to listen with an open mind. Look for positive or negative words in their descriptions.
- Practice self awareness. Listen to your own thoughts and emotions. When you find yourself frustrated, angry, jealous or in a negative state in general, pause for a moment. Take a deep breath and try to find out where these emotions come from. What causes them?
- Try to shift your focus on the positive things. Try to recognize and appreciate the small good things in life.
Work on creating balanced relationships that will benefit all sides.
Become an investor for life 😉